My niece had a bridal shower a couple of weeks ago.  Everyone took a minute and wrote down some words of advice/encouragement in a little notebook for her.  I was reading through it and my Aunt Myrna wrote something that really touched me……….She said “Dont Forget To Have Fun”.

I realized that if I would learn to laugh more with and at my husband (especially when he pisses me off)……..my life would be so much easier.

So when he’s bitching about the boys……………..next time, I’m going to force a smile and find a way to laugh…………even if I have to fart!

Because the bottom line is………..he’ll get over it eventually……..even if that means I have to wait until the boys are 40. 

Shit - I’m sure he’ll still find things to bitch about…………but I’m going to keep smiling and laughing.
Even if I have to pull up my granny panties like Steve Erkle and do a lap dance for him.

I’m tired of being pissed off.  I’m bound and determined to be happy in my marriage - even if I have to act crazy.

Does your lover fart in front of you?

I think I might be onto something………..

My husband has never farted in front of me and we have been married for 10 years.
I still think he’s extremely sexy………

However, my ex always farted………he would even hike up his leg to add
the extra umf! Needless to say………..sexual attraction didn’t exist.

Do you think it matters………..To Fart or Not To Fart?

Who decided to call it a “SMART” car? 
I guess if they would have called it a STUPID car - no one would buy one.
You have to admit - common sense tells you the car is stupid (dangerous).
But the fact that you call it SMART - adds a little temptation……….
it’s almost like saying I DARE YOU.

Cow’s milk……….I want to know who decided to try it first? 

I found myself sitting in front of the computer - playing around on Facebook -
and decided to blog.

I hugged him before he left………I was crying.  
He said, “Don’t cry mom”.  I told him that even if he was 30 and moving out for the
first time - I would still cry.
 

At that moment - I realize that I was just like my mother.   Mom is always saying to
me…………”I don’t know how you turned out so well.  I was a terrible mother.” And I
always rush to reassure her that she was wonderful.  

It’s Friday!  I’m on vacation until January 6, 2009.  On one hand, I am so excited……………

On the other hand, I’m confused.  I really dont know what I’m going to do with myself for 18 days. 

What do you do when you don’t work?  I feel a little lost. 

I guess I could clean house or go to the gym………….I have things I could do…………….but I think I’m going to sit on the couch and watch television - maybe take a nap. 

Hopefully, when I wake up I’ll think of something creative………..or maybe just mix a drink or two………………….

Tomorrow, we are going to “The Hill” (my mom’s house) - then we’re taking off to Lake Whitney (my dad’s house).  I can’t wait to get away………

FUNNY KID STORY

The other day, my nine-year old says to me, “Mom - I’m going on a diet - I’m not going to eat any sugar this week”.  I just laughed and changed the subject because he’s a little toot……….

The next day - he called me at work to ask if he could invite a friend over to play.  Her name is Hope.  He hadn’t seen her in a long time.  I told him to call her and invite her over. 

When I got home, I asked him when Hope was coming over - he was upset because she wouldn’t answer the phone.

I proceeded to go about my business and started cooking dinner………..I noticed a half eaten piece of cake on the counter. (I figured my husband or one of the kids left it there).  I shrugged my shoulders and threw it away…………..and didn’t think much about it.

(This is how I look when I do the dishes…………….hahahaha right!)

Until later on that night, I asked Blake how his diet was going……………he said, “I was so upset that Hope didn’t answer the phone……….I made myself a big piece of cake and ate half of it!” 

I know it’s been a long time since my last blog…………but I’m out of time - therefore, I’m just going to post some lyrics to one of my favorite songs…………….I listen to this song in the morning on my way to work - when I need a boost………….kind of like Popeye when he eats a can of spinach.

“She’s Not Just A Pretty Face” by Shania Twain

No, she’s (she’s) not (not)–
just a pretty face
She’s (she’s) got (got)–everything it takes
She’s–not–just a pretty face
She’s got everything it takes
She’s not just a pretty face

After the 2008 Republican Convention, we need a month to celebrate strong, bold, balsy, smart and beautiful women.  I am definitely a Palin Wanna Be.

Of course beautiful meaning inside or outside (even though we all no outer beauty is only good for men). 
As my 17 year old son would say, “I’d tap that!” She is my kind of woman.

September is the month when women kick into gear………….school starts back and the Holidays are quickly approaching.

Homework comes back into play - just to make evenings more stressful. 

Working a full time job - cooking dinner - dealing with the bantering, bickering and bitching of the entire house - making sure they take baths and wash their butt cracks and arm pitts………

(This picture reminds me of my sister and I - not because we took baths in a wash tub - but we did use to take baths together.  We would take the shampoo bottles and make up commercials for shampoo.)

And to make matters even worse………September is when all of the New Shows start back……..thank God for the DVR.

Plus, go to the gym to stay fit - take the kids to the after school functions - OH - take a bath and shave your legs (looking forward to winter and only shaving once a week).

Hell Yeah………………..We are some major bitches this generation!! 

SING IT WITH ME LOUD!

We can bring home the bacon……(Enjoli)

…….fry it up in the pan……..(Enjoli)

………and never ever ever let you get into my pants…….

Cause I’m a woman…………….(Enjoli)

Work was the same today as yesterday…………..I get to the office with a game plan…………instead, I was managing by crisis and didn’t even touch the plan………….

Eman and I didnt speak all day…………so as I drove home…………I was not looking forward to another awkward night of silence………so I just agreed to disagree.  Sometimes, that is the only way to move past the situation………

The other day I received an email from an old friend from high school…………he
proceeded to tell me that his life had been like an old country and western song
………..his wife of 14 years was killed in a car accident……….and a few years later
 he fell in love again and they were suppose to get married this year…………she
died a few months before their wedding from pneumonia.  I guess you can see
why…………agreeing to disagree is okay with me.

Marriage is a real bitch!  But if you truly love someone, you are willing to go
through almost anything……….notice I did say almost……….there are limits. 
However, my husband’s good looks helps him to get away with a lot.  His
brown eyes make me melt…………

WOW - that sounded pretty shallow………..I didn’t realize I was shallow
…………excuse me while I reflect a minute……..

Okay………..really………….looks aren’t what it’s all about
…………good sex is important too………….was that better?

Chad moved into his own apartment a couple of weeks ago.  I popped in
one Sunday morning and took him some food and goodies.  He was very
excited and thankful.  I didn’t notice any ash trays or doobies sitting around
………only a half empty bottle of Vodka. 

What could I say?  He is almost 20 years old…………….I was married with a
child at his age………….been drinking and smoking off and on since I was 13
……………..the child is a saint compared to me………how could I ask for more?
And the cool thing is……………I turned out great…………..which means he
is going to turn out REMARKABLE!

Can you see her tan lines?  hehe  What about her brass balls? 

Going back to work and getting back into the routine was really tough…………..
I have been dragging all day. 

Ethan and I are fighting and I think I’m going to run away from home.  Don’t
you hate those types of arguments that neither of you understand why the
other is pissed off……….and that seems to make it even worse. 

I have no earthly idea what he has to be pissed off at………..I only told
him to ” get out of bed and do something instead of stirring up crap!”
I could have said and done so much worse…………..besides,
if he’d mind his own business - we wouldn’t  be fighting to begin with……………

So tonight………I have done a load of laundry………cooked dinner……….
and now I’m blogging  - thinking back over this day…..regretting the
many terrible things I have said to my husband………….yet, I refuse to
say Im sorry (right now).  So he is mowing the yard………..and
we haven’t spoke a word to each other since last night.

I’m not looking forward to him coming inside…………there is such an
awkward feeling in the air when we are in the same room together. 

I wonder what he’s thinking…………he doesn’t read my blog so
it’s safe for me to telll you what  I’m thinking………..I wish I could start
yesterday all over again and know what I know today………….. 

Blake and I have seasons passes to the water park this summer. We have gone 3 days in a row.  I have a nice tan going - until I take my clothes off……………I wear a one piece…………so my arms and legs are really dark………..and then my stomach looks like a whales belly…………….

I’m learning a different level of parenting skills on the trip to the water park.  Blake has a thing about fat people right now………..I’m not sure what has happened………..but on the last day of school he came home talking about all of the kids on the bus telling fat jokes…………..I tried to explain to him that it’s not nice and we shouldn’t act like that……but apparently, it’s not sticking very well………………we’ll be floating down the river at the water park and a fat woman will float by……………and he’ll look over at me and start to giggle…………..and I’ll tell him to stop ………that it isn’t nice and it hurts peoples feelings.  So next time I have decided I am either going to yank him out of the pool and take him home
 
- or tell the fat woman that my son is laughing at her………….and I’d like her to ask him why? 
Wouldn’t that be funny?

We have the knowledge that fast foods are not healthy for our bodies….but they taste better than salad or grilled chicken……..

When we smell the brownies cooking in the kitchen, we have the knowledge that too much is not good for us……..yet we eat 2 or 3………..maybe more…………

We enjoy hearing the compliments given….that boost our egos and make us feel good…..but how is it beneficial?  We know that true confidence is found within ourselves…….not by what others think of us……….yet, sometimes we strive for those very compliments to make us feel worthy………..worthy of what?

We have the knowledge that our looks are passing and one day - we will all be old and gray………but we fret over every wrinkle and saggy body part - why?  If you had your youth back - what would you do with it?  A younger look is just a vision…….what happens when the mouth speaks?  There is the key………..

And sex……….or shall I say passion - because they are not the same.  Sex is an act………..passion is a feeling.  When the 2 are mixed - it can be a feeling to be wreckoned with……………I believe this feeling is the cause of most broken homes.  Can you say NO to passion?  When it calls your name away from your home……….can you look it in the face and say GO AWAY?

The older I get………..the more I realize that acting on what feels good……….most of the time - feels bad later.

When will knowledge prevail over our feelings?

Probably - just in time for us to say……….”I’m Perfect!” and “I know it all!”